Friday, November 2, 2012

Where Is Home

This blog is primarily photos of my travels, however tonight I feel inclined to write why I feel homeless. 
Is in, no place to call "home."

Click on the link above ^
This explains why I am the way I am. 


For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me. 
I just never quite fit in, no matter where in the world I was. 

Born in Canada. 
Moved to Germany. 
Moved to Atlanta, Georgia. 
Moved to small town, Ohio. 
Moved to Slovakia. 
Studied university in Indiana. 
Studied university in Ohio. 
Studied and graduated in Czech Republic. 
Dual Canadian/American citizen.
Dated a Slovak (long distance) for 4 1/2 years. 

I've always felt more "at home" in Europe. 
It's where my first memories are. 
However (other than distant Greek and German roots), I am not European.
At the same time, while I am both American and Canadian nationality and citizenship, 
I have never felt comfortable with the American lifestyle.

High school was the worst, not only because I moved halfway through, 
but also because it was tough being in a small town with an open mind. 
As soon as I graduated, I left the continent. 
Moved to Slovakia, embracing a new language and culture. 
Although, something was missing. 

I moved back to the States, starting university technically a year late and found myself more homesick for my town in the Slovak mountains than I had ever experienced before. 
I was drawn to the international students at my university because I felt like I could relate somewhat, having just returned to the States myself.
 I joined the International Students Association (after all, I am Canadian) and tried to join the Multi Culture Students Association, but wasn't able to... which I found odd, since, in my opinion, it should be open for students of multiple cultures, not skin color. 
But even being involved with the international students, I felt as if I was drowning in a foreign sea with no one who spoke my language to cry out to.

It was in Indiana that I went to counseling, for more than one thing, but primarily because I had no idea who I was. Shocker, I know. What college kid actually knows who they are. 
But I felt like even my family members didn't know what I was going through. 
My mom is an American citizen. My Dad is a Canadian citizen. Us kids are dual. 
Although my younger sister was born in Germany, she primarily grew up in the States, as did my younger brothers. 
My extended family is split right down the middle, American. Canadian.
And yes, United States and Canada are more different from each other than people realize.

It was in Indiana that my counselor did a little research for me and found out there were a group of nomad kids called Third Culture Kids (TCK): kids of one culture raised in another (or multiple) often with parents of a completely different culture. Voila. That's me.  

I read some on the subject and involved myself with international activities, but the most satisfying aspect (at the time anyway) was simply knowing that there was a reason for my feeling of homesickness for no actual home. And that I did in fact fit into some sort of rare group.

Over the next few years I transferred to Ohio, finished school in the Czech Republic and returned to the States. 
But today, simply knowing I'm a TCK isn't enough. 

I'm tired of not feeling like I belong anywhere. 
I'm tired of my closest friends not only being thousands of miles away, but also time zones away. 
I'm tired of the question, "where are you from?" 
I'm tired of living out of boxes and constantly unpacking. 
I'm also realizing that that I'm becoming emotionless inside when saying goodbye. One, because I know I will eventually see them again (I stay in touch with everyone) and two, because I say "good bye" (or "see you later" as I like to put it) so often.
Over the past six years, the longest I've lived in the same place was two school years, but during those two years I traveled out of the country four times,
But, truth be told, it's my own fault. I'm the one who keeps leaving, no is making me move. 
Truth be told, I know if I were to stay in one place I would be very unhappy. 
And truth be told, I'm very fortunate and thankful for my upbringing and experiences.
But I'm not going to lie, it can be exhausting. And lonely at times. 

I don't know why I'm necessarily writing this, or who is going to read it. 
I just felt like I needed to explain why I can't seem to stay in one place for more than four months - it's really all I know
Even when I was younger and under my parent's rule, we would drive from Georgia to Ohio and Canada multiple times a year. I've especially learned about myself over the past few years, that no matter where I live, when I hit the four or five month mark, I have to get out. At least for a week. I'm simply too much of a free spirit.
Absolutely can not be tied down. To anything. Right now anyway.

As I prepare for yet another move, all of this resurfaces and in my mind the cycle begins once again. 
Although, as an adult now, I'm noticing that I'm approaching things differently this time 'round, seeing things more clearly. 
I'm in regular contact with my world-wide best friends (located in Australia, Slovakia, Georgia, Denmark, Indiana, California, Canada, New York) and it's really making me appreciate and value their friendships. 
After talking with one of my dear friends this morning, who is also a TCK, she sent me the video above. Never before have I connected so much with a short film before. It may not make sense to most people, but everything those kids were talking about I understood completely. 
It's just nice to know there are others out there. 
Others who can't answer the always-awkward "where are you from?" question. 
Others who represent multiple countries, not by nationality but by association.
And others who know more international brands of chocolate than they should ;).

For the other Third Culture Kids out there, I know it's rough. But it's also rewarding.
It's like Amy Burns in the video said, "Anyone who has that skill should recognize it as a gift and use it to bridge these gaps that we see between different cultures."

Maybe I was raised in such a uniquely different way than anyone else in my family for a reason. 
Guess I'm still figuring out what that reason is exactly. 

In the meantime, you can catch me on a plane, or a train. 
Behind the wheel of a car or speaking Slovak in a bar.
I may be on Skype or scheduling my next flight. 
But one thing is for sure, if you're my friend today, then I'm your friend always. 
Keep in touch, I may be visiting you soon. 
And you're always welcome to visit me, wherever in the world I may be.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

the Island

No rules.
And the best of friends.

Dafuski Island 
August 2012

[All photos taken with my camera by myself, Dustin Winchester or self timer...]

Thursday, July 26, 2012


Dirty, waiting for the tram. 
Prague, Czech Republic

Sunday, July 22, 2012


Prague, Czech Republic

Thursday, June 21, 2012


Is he really carrying a toilet seat on his back?!
Only in Prague have I realized that anything goes.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


Sister visited me in Prague.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Under the Czech Republic

Was in a film that shot shot in cave for two days last week. 
One coolest (literally - it was very cold) locations I've ever shot at.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

[filming, on location] Czech Republic

Last week I was in another world as Anna in "Fair."
[Photos by Manav Molhotra]

Tuesday, May 1, 2012


The ironic moment you watch Cold Mountain in the airport and dream of playing a character like Nicole Kidman's,
only to go to a last minute reading for a similar role the same day I arrive back in Prague.
Next day got the role and went to my costume and wig fitting. 
The following day [today] I leave for our location. 
Instead of Ada, my name is Anna. 
And instead of the 1860's it's shot in the 1960's.
But accent, hair, costume and location are the same. 
Off to a remote village in the Czech Republic for a week of filming. 

travel, travel, travel, filming

Man, I love this life.

[picture from Cold Mountain on IMDb]

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Posh in Poland

 Classy McD's.
Krakow, Poland